Am I so weird?

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Am I so weird?

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[[the tiny white dot among black spots]]

[	outerspace	\|	The Beautiful Solitude	]
[	the white dot	\|	moi	]
[	invisible words	\|	my twisted mind	]

When I don't love you like I did.

[May. 8th, 2007|07:46 pm]

[	white spot	\|	lovelyrum	]
[	doldrums	\|	geeky	]
[	lullaby	\|	borders - the sunshine underground	]

When I don't love you like I did.

I thought there must be something wrong with my brain,
to not thinking about you yesterday and today.
I thought I would feel lonely and my heart would feel empty,
to not be able to stay beside you all the time.
I thought I would cry and sleep in despair,
to have fight and argue with you.
and I thought it was because of you,
that I would have a feeling like this.
But I know it's not true.
It's just the time when I feel I don't love you,
like I did before.
And in some ways, I do feel better.

let your cry out

[Apr. 7th, 2007|11:54 pm]

[	white spot	\|	roooom	]
[	doldrums	\|	curious	]
[	lullaby	\|	littlest thing - lily allen	]

Unfair things I feel.

Not sometimes, but often.
Things are reminding me of you.
Can't help or deny it.
Coz it's what I really feel.

I wonder if you ever feel the same thing.

What are the things that would remind you of me?
How often do you miss me?
Or how many times in a day I would appear in your mind?

I guess, I guess.
There's nothing much.

It's just so unfair.
When everything reminds me of you.
When I miss you a lot.
And when I think about you all day.

2 cry outs

let your cry out

[Apr. 6th, 2007|12:04 pm]

[	white spot	\|	messy-ness!	]
[	doldrums	\|	giggly	]
[	lullaby	\|	soul meets body - death cab for cutie	]

Random things again *yay*

I love seeing a guy wearing a male cardigan.

I love hearing Soul Meets Body by Death Cab For Cutie at the moment.

I love downloading songs even though it's not a right thing to do.

I love sad ending.

I love when he said that I'm so selfish but he follows what my selfishness says.

I love intimidating him.

I love giving surprises.

let your cry out

[Mar. 26th, 2007|04:54 pm]

[	white spot	\|	her darkest heart	]
[	doldrums	\|	gloomy	]
[	lullaby	\|	ghost's cell - lain	]

Yes please ask me why.
Recently she has taken control of me.
She's back.
The one who hates herself, hates the world and hates everything she could.
Please don't blame me for letting her out.
I've tried to push her before.
I did and I succeeded.

No light and not a single thing in her world.
She's alone in the dark.
No one could understand her.
She hates herself.
and she always wanted to die.
She used to be hurt.
and she used to like it.

and that is why he was so afraid that she could do anything bad to herself.
and perhaps that is the reason why he cares for her?
love? what love?
that's a pity for sure.

let your cry out

People are more messed up than they look.

[Mar. 2nd, 2007|10:51 am]

[	white spot	\|	room	]
[	doldrums	\|	weird	]
[	lullaby	\|	you could be happy - snow patrol	]

People are more messed up than they look, he said.
Are they?

Everything seems like scrumble words to me.
I live, I exist, but maybe I'm not.
What's the meaning of having such an existence?
Is it necessary to prove that I exist?
Well, I do exist. That's the fact.
Shit happens in life. That's the truth.
But, when shit always happen in your life,
what can you say?
There must be something wrong with you.
And you'll start thinking you're the worst,
everybody is happy but you.
So you'll start hating yourself,
for being incapable to find something about yourself that you love.
Everything will be hurt for you,
as you think you can't find the way to heal.
In the end you'll become a fake person.
A fake personality.
A fake smile.
A fake laugh.
Just to prove that you exist,
even though you don't feel damn good about being exist.

See? People are more messed up than they look.

let your cry out

i'm about to fail (again)

[Feb. 19th, 2007|08:26 pm]

[	white spot	\|	room	]
[	doldrums	\|	curious	]
[	lullaby	\|	sally's song - fiona apple	]

Seriously, I'm about to fail in this thing called love (or whatever shitty names it has), if it was a subject on my college course.
I've never been in good relationship before. Always, it seemed that when I started this thing, I often failed in the middle of it. I wonder if it was me who being so stupid or was it the partner I've learned with?
If it goes like this, it is impossible for me to graduate. Not even with cum laude status or being a straight A's student, being successfully graduated with C- will be a miracle!
Man, I need to learn more, and find a good partner...

let your cry out

She's so oh adorable!

[Feb. 14th, 2007|04:04 pm]

[	white spot	\|	luct lib	]
[	doldrums	\|	hungry	]
[	lullaby	\|	currently not listening to anything	]

She's too sweet! I'm in love with her!
VALERIA GARCIA!

let your cry out

[Feb. 5th, 2007|12:27 pm]

[	white spot	\|	labcom cad	]
[	doldrums	\|	crying out	]
[	lullaby	\|	ali in the jungle - the hours	]

Boo. Hoo.
The world is too cruel for me.
If I could leave this world, I would love to.
But, this world is the only world I have.
Boo. Hoo.
I'm such a cry baby in this biggy things world.

let your cry out

[Feb. 4th, 2007|08:34 pm]

[	white spot	\|	ichuy's room	]
[	doldrums	\|	i'm dead	]
[	lullaby	\|	the drugs don't work - the verve	]

Words are often used as a weapon.
Even though words are not as sharp as a knife,
They surely stab deeper,
and kill more cruelly.

If it goes like this, I'll be killed slowly by your words.

(I can't really find exact words for what I feel)

let your cry out

(I should be your) girlfriend.

[Jan. 30th, 2007|01:31 pm]

[	white spot	\|	campus' labcom	]
[	doldrums	\|	missing him.	]
[	lullaby	\|	(i should be your) girlfriend - the servant	]

She says I should be your girlfriend
You should be my boyfriend
We should be together you and me forever
But I just look away
Cause I don't know what to say

(I should be your) Girlfriend - The Servant

And I missed you so.
I saw everyone as you.
Even when I went to sleep,
I dreamt of missing you.
I used to miss you a lot,
even though you don't miss me.

let your cry out

[Jan. 25th, 2007|01:26 pm]

[	white spot	\|	hell no	]
[	doldrums	\|	confused	]
[	lullaby	\|	starlight-muse	]

He got me.
He killed me with an eye.
and he revived me within a breathe.
He did.
He always did.
When will we be able to die together?

4 cry outs

let your cry out

Happy Birthday.

[Jan. 24th, 2007|01:21 pm]

[

doldrums

|

supposed to be celebrating?

]

Hello world.
It's good to be here again.
I'm breathing and I'm still alive.
I'm 19 now.
And today is my birthday.
Happy birthday dear me.
And oh how I wish u could be the one for me.

let your cry out

[Nov. 14th, 2006|04:00 pm]

[	white spot	\|	r.oo.m	]
[	doldrums	\|	hmmm... wondering,,,	]
[	lullaby	\|	setsuna's theme-OST angel sanctuary OVA	]

I often think that I'm independent.
I do need people,
but I can stand by myself.
Yes, I often do everything alone.
It doesn't matter.
It's no big deal.

So, do I need him actually?
[I've already known the answer though]

let your cry out

Sheesh. Shuush.

[Nov. 13th, 2006|10:53 am]

[	white spot	\|	room!	]
[	doldrums	\|	exam is tomorrow!	]
[	lullaby	\|	graceful ways-mondo grosso ft. anis monoral	]

*SIgh*

AT LAST!!!
The internet connection is ok now!!
Sheesh, it hasn't been working for 2 days!
I've been dying to get online!

Ok, today is my lil sister's birthday:
"Happy birthday sis, I wish you all the best in advance!"

Recap:
1. I've packed half of my stuffs and have moved them in to my new apartment.
2. I went to Ikea and bought some new bed sheet and quilt!
3. I had lunch in Ikea, my very first time tasting the meatball and daim cake. They were great but in the end , I gotta go to toilet!!
4. I watched Deathnote the movie! It was awesome but too bad the manga version is better! Anyway, L is so damn cool!!
5. Me, Dhany and his bf had dinner in Nando's Sunway last night. Thx so much ^^!
6. Lately I've been thinking that he's getting better. But does it make things better than before?
7. I hate deja vu.
8. Sometimes I hate the LINK. It's getting us nowhere, Dear. We're stuck!
9. I love friendster.
10. Tomorrow is exam, so pleaseeeee...wish me luck people! I'm going to study hard today!

let your cry out

[Nov. 10th, 2006|03:48 pm]

[	white spot	\|	room-bye-bye	]
[	doldrums	\|	haha.i'm so over relaxed!	]
[	lullaby	\|	heartbeat-tahiti80	]

I laugh,
but it doesn't mean I'm happy.

I don't cry,
but it doesn't mean it doesn't hurt.

I'm fine though, just write I think.
I love random things,
and random words.

let your cry out

Where were we back then, Dear?

[Nov. 9th, 2006|01:03 am]

[	white spot	\|	roomie.room	]
[	doldrums	\|	nostalgic	]
[	lullaby	\|	hitomi wo tojite-ken hirai	]

You might won't remember where were we back then, those memorable time 2 years ago.
Yet, we were too childish to admit, and too mature to deny.
We were together.
Maybe it wasn't just the two of us,
but it felt that way for me.
Yes, it was just the two of us, in our own world with no one disturbed.

We laughed, I remember.
We shared the joy and the stories.
We were holding hands, without worrying that others could see us.
I could see it in your eyes. It was me.
And knowing that couldn't stop me smiling at you.
My, our precious three days.
When you were always by my side.

That time I always thought that we could be like this forever.
It seemed like a dream.
You realized it, then you woke yourself up.
Maybe it was just a dream.
I realized it, then when I woke up, you are no longer beside me.

It was a secret back then.
A secret that we both should kept.
But, what's the meaning of keeping it after all,
when we are no longer together now?

[Bandung, November 8-10, 2004]

Dear, if only you know how I miss you and those times...

2 cry outs

let your cry out

[Nov. 7th, 2006|06:09 pm]

[	white spot	\|	roooooooom!	]
[	doldrums	\|	giggly	]
[	lullaby	\|	imitation of life-r.e.m	]

It's strange.
It's Stranger.
Hello dear.
You made me smile,
so did my heart.

let your cry out

[Nov. 5th, 2006|08:33 pm]

[	white spot	\|	r..m	]
[	doldrums	\|	blank	]
[	lullaby	\|	comforting sounds-mew	]

I'm in deep sleep,
and you're the nightmare.
Therefore,
I cannot forget about you.

Because such a nice dream won't last long.

let your cry out

[Nov. 4th, 2006|03:33 pm]

[	white spot	\|	stuck in room	]
[	doldrums	\|	intimidated	]
[	lullaby	\|	analyse-thom yorke	]

Bad things happen to bad people.
Is that mean I'm a bad person?

let your cry out

[Nov. 2nd, 2006|06:20 pm]

[	white spot	\|	messy room	]
[	doldrums	\|	sore	]
[	lullaby	\|	oh no!-monoral	]

Once I had interviewed,
a cold-blooded killer,
whose victims were countless,
and were killed in different ways,
but for a reason only.

"Why did you kill people?" I asked.
"Why can't we kill people?" he asked in return.

"Because...It's wrong...It's not good to kill people, to eliminate other people's life. It's a sin," I answered--with confusion rules in my head.
He smiled. Sincerely.
"Is that so? For all times, I've never come to people and killed them. They came for me, asked me to perish their souls--in any way they wanted to-- I didn't mind to do that. I just fulfilled what they wished for. I did that for them," he said. There's no lie in his eyes and his voice sounds so.

"So you killed them to help them?"
"Yes. Everyone will die after all. Reason or time, they don't really matter. They remain the same,"

"Okay then. Can I ask you a favor?"
He smiled. As sincere as the last.
"Why not? What can I do for you?"

"Please, kill the loneliness inside my heart."

let your cry out

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